The Three Dating Tendencies

The Three Dating Tendencies

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Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, and researcher of human behavior, habits and happiness, interviews Logan Ury, author of How Not To Die Alone: The surprising science that will help you find love. 

Logan says, "While love may be a natural instinct, dating isn't." Read on to find out why and what you can do about it.

Gretchen: You've done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you – or your readers – most? 

Logan: The Three Dating Tendencies: As a dating coach, I discovered that while all of my clients are unique, many of them suffer from dating blind spots—patterns of behavior that hold them back from finding love, but which they can't identify on their own.

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Inspired by Gretchen (who was inspired by Freud!), I've categorized the most common blind spots into a framework called The Three Dating Tendencies. Each group struggles with unrealistic expectations. 

"The Romanticizer" has unrealistic expectations of relationships. "The Maximizer" has unrealistic expectations of their partner. "The Hesitater" has unrealistic expectations of themselves. 

The Romanticizer: You want the soul mate, the happily ever after—the whole fairy tale. You love love. You believe you are single because you haven't met the right person yet. Your motto: It'll happen when it's meant to happen.

The Maximizer: You love doing research, exploring all of your options, turning over every stone until you're confident you've found the right one. You make decisions carefully. And you want to be 100 percent certain about something before you make your choice. Your motto: Why settle?

The Hesitater: You don't think you're ready for dating because you're not the person you want to be yet. You hold yourself to a high standard. You want to feel completely ready before you start a new project; the same goes for dating. Your motto: I'll wait until I'm a catch.


Quick question for you: Did you discover something new about yourself, or your partner? If the Dating Tendencies helped you understand each other better, and if you're willing to share, I'd be interested to hear how it helped.




Location: Australia
Elora is a relationship writer with tips that empower you to build greater relationship success.

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