Creating Sparks That Last & All Things Relationships

  What Is Love? 'Writer seeks 'wife' for a year on a tropical island.' The other day I asked for you, the reader, to define love in one word. I got some thoughtful answers which I'll list below. But before I do that, I want you to ask yourself what love means to you, firstly as an individual and secondly in a partnership. Years ago, when my marriage was still young, I read an autobiography by Lucy Irvine called Castaway (NOT the Tom Hanks movie). This was an intentional project to live on Tuin Island, an uninhabited island off the northernmost coast of Australia, for a year. It began with a male writer advertising for a female to live with him and test their mettle of survival on Tuin Island.   The catch, by Australian Officials standards, was that they had to be married in order to stay on the island. This did not please Lucy as G (as she calls him) expected more than just survival tactics from her. This caused deep introspection on both their parts, making for a d...

Redefining Love and Marriage https://unsplash.com/@jennymarvin Committing to a life-long marriage through difficult times takes a lot of courage. I had to define for myself the kind of life I wanted. Was I willing to forgo some of my identity to take on the characteristics of a partner who, just 30 years ago, was a complete stranger to me? Had I really got to know him at all? In this life that we share, how deeply had we truly got to know each other? Not so deeply at all, I was to learn. In spite of the many epiphanies through our year-long travel escapade, what we did on a daily basis in the humdrum of a nine to five lifestyle eroded the  lessons learnt and the coping mechanisms we had adopted. Outwardly we have a wonderfully marvelous life, yet our invisible introspection, unseen by those around us, slowly dims the light in both of our eyes. Old habits took over as we forgot to create special moments together. Our lives became mechanical. Learning to redefine the meaning of l...

I Have Good News for You So far, you have followed mine and James' progress into blissful mid-life marriage. You've read of our ups and downs through our relationship success, and now I'm overjoyed to share that I've created an ebook for you from our Date Year experiences! https://unsplash.com/@valentinantonucci It's the sequel to my memoir, out later this year, but gives the backstory to our tumultuous young beginnings and into keeping the spark alive through three and a half decades together. It has the same title as the blog, Creating Sparks that Last by Elora Canne. It's available for preorder today, at the link below. I want in!   Here's a Cheeky Joke to Make You Smile It's an old joke that people tell: Women need a  reason  to have sex, men just need a  place . - From Tonja Vallin in her article The Surprising Benefits of Holding Hands - Including Better Sex Here's the full article if you're interested   It's an informative look at the ...

FIND YOUR UNIQUE SPARK Choose ways to ignite your relationship that make both of you happy Image credit @casey-horner via Unsplash ♥ Notice how I said ‘unique’?   There is no one size fits all to a relationship so don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s.  Each one is a unique fit. I largely chose our dates myself for Date Year but I made sure to integrate James’ preferences as well. This is how our experiences became unique to us. I use words like ‘both’, ‘our’ and ‘us’ because marriage is exclusively about the two of you. Three’s a crowd, no doubt about it. We’re not talking about socializing, we’re talking about connecting. Your marriage needs to grow the two of you together so choose your date experiences wisely. ♥ Be consistent. Don’t let the inconvenience of everyday life get in the way of making a commitment to the happiness of your marriage.                     ...

Goals to Make Your Relationship Zing! Image credit @unsplash by @jonathansborba When James and I completed our Date Year Experiment, we came away with solid ideas of what we wanted our relationship to look like. We set goals to ensure that we got the very best outcome. I'll outline some of them here, along with additional ideas from practicalintimacy.com https://pin.it/1N7Qi1l 🔥 Know your boundaries and limitations:          ❣   As well as knowing your own boundaries and letting your partner figure out theirs, you also   need to know your limitations: own your faults, your shortcomings and areas of   required improvement. Don't try to dictate your partners' limitations to them, this is about you taking ownership of your own stuff. 🔥 Validate your own feelings and emotions:         ❣   Maintaining the status quo to keep the peace is not an option. Name your feelings, name your emotions without having t...