Embracing The New

The How and The Why of Letting Go

You've heard it before, but today, I'm giving you the HOW and the WHY of letting go.

September brought about massive growth for me in both my business and personal capacity.

This spilled over into the first week of October where growth became epiphany. 

And that, I just had to share with you.

I'll start with the easier business achievements to record and move on to the more complex areas of personal growth after.

Every year I choose a word to embrace for the season of my  CURRENT journey I'm experiencing, in order to expand on that in the best way for me, in the coming months. This year my word was COMFORTABLE and it has served my expansion so very well.

BUSINESS GROWTH

As a recovering people-pleaser, I finally had to embrace the notion that I simply could not please everyone, in other words, I had to grow into the idea of being COMFORTABLE being disliked.

• To start this rollercoaster off, I enthusiastically sent many of my manuscripts previously hidden from the public eye, for submission with traditional publishers. I had to feel COMFORTABLE with rejection.

• Next, I submitted short stories for anthologies and had to lean into becoming COMFORTABLE with the vulnerability of shedding my former self and revealing the real me with stories that were close to my heart.

• Lastly, I braved the world of digital magazines and had three stories published with three highly esteemed presses. This required a huge amount of growth into feeling COMFORTABLE establishing myself in the world of professional storytellers.

PERSONAL GROWTH

Gosh, where to begin?

I have had a life-long fear of driving on motorways since I got my driver's license at the age of 17. I'm talking panic attack level of fear. Jelly legs, constricted throat, sweaty palms, crying tears, stomach in knots, dry mouth kind of fear.

I decided to tackle this fear with forced exposure to driving on motorways more frequently this year. I drove with my husband who embraced his learning curve of becoming a more relaxed passenger in order to help me feel more COMFORTABLE. I drove with a self-confessed nervous passenger friend who confidently sat next to me as I drove us along the motorway. 

All of this was in anticipation of my mom's visit from overseas, so that I could confidently drive us around to see new places. I succeeded! I felt COMFORTABLE in the driver's seat on the motorway.

In fact, I felt so COMFORTABLE that I was ready to tackle the motorways by myself. I've only done this once before in my entire 58 years of life, and I cried the whole way from start to finish.

This time, though I was nervous, I wasn't struck with anxiety. I ordered myself an iced coffee to sip away any dry mouth moments - it worked a treat. You know how much I love my coffee. I managed to get Siri to play my 'Favourites' playlist on Spotify. I was so COMFORTABLE on the motorway that I belted out my best songs with gusto. Huge moment for me. I got home without any of my previous fear-based symptoms.

Disclaimer: Overcoming a crippling fear does NOT happen overnight.

MORE PERSONAL GROWTH

This ties in with my business growth of becoming COMFORTABLE being disliked. I simply had to establish boundaries after finally becoming saturated with emotional manipulation that I couldn't physically take on anymore for the sake of my relationship with this acquaintance. I had to be COMFORTABLE being cold shouldered and shunned, and it feels so freeing!

A separate area of growth I undertook this year was to explore new fitness experiences. I took on my first sprint triathlon and came stone last. And I am so very proud of myself for being COMFORTABLE with the cringe-worthy feeling of coming last while trying something new. Once again, HUGE growth.

NOW FOR THE 'HOW' AND 'WHY' OF LETTING GO

The 'why:'

Where there is freedom, there is growth.

And where there is growth, there are new exciting experiences that you never could have foretold!

As for the 'how,' simply embrace the feelings of fear, rejection and being disliked, without absorbing them into your body. Embrace but don't absorb them, feel them, label them because that's where the healing starts, but for the love of all things holy, don't allow them into your psyche. When we embrace something, it is external, keep these feelings external, do not allow them into your body. Just ride them out until they pass, again, and again, and again. Until they no longer have power over your feelings.

This is heavy stuff, and if you need to see a counsellor to help you navigate this letting go journey, please pick up the phone and make the call today.

Remember to share this article with anyone you feel might need it, or in fact, with anyone you feel you can't talk too about these issues but who you need to hear this message.

I'd love to hear how you are tracking with your word of the year or goals, as we countdown the last 3 months of 2024. Drop me a comment, or an email: elora.canne@gmail.com - Subject heading: 2024 GOALS

I look forward to reading your responses. 

Until next time, step out in comfort.

Elora Canne is a relationship writer who explores the growth and longevity of relationships of all dynamics. Find her work here:

 EN ROUTE: A memoir of roadtrips and relationships

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