Creating Sparks That Last & All Things Relationships

Or could you have both? Elora Canne Blogger I mentioned that I’d be discussing relationship books here on the blog, for the foreseeable future. I feel it gives a broader perspective of relationships than just me.  Today’s post isn’t technically a book discussion, although it is called the Book Club and it’s based very loosely on Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist , so it counts in my book ;) In the movie Book Club: The Next Chapter , four female friends find out just how far they will go for both love and friendship. I’m always interested in different views of midlife relationships and these four friends provide exactly that; later-in-life women at a crossroads in their love life. Incidentally, in our last blog post I said I’d let you know which term best suits midlife love and the winner was Later-in-Life Love. Our four female friends and their love conundrums are as follows: Vivian finds herself engaged to long-time lover Arthur, and her friends surprise her with their wedding all se...

Do you choose a word of the year? It doesn't always stay in the fore front of my mind when I have selected a word for the year but it certainly helps me stay focused on my projects. Image above embodies: Propel/Focus/In-Sync What is your word or phrase for 2023? The reason I've chosen 'PROPEL' as my word, is it's very definition to: push, move or drive something forwards. To push, move or drive through barriers or obstacles. To spur or drive into a particular situation. I mean, it's an exact proposal for living, right? Life can throw obstacles our way and it is our own business to maneuver our way around them and keep moving forwards . That is the ultimate secret to SUCCESS, but remember… Success looks different for everyone   To keep my writing career successfully moving forwards, I am changing course into fiction this year. Truth be told, my upcoming release is based on true events, so I like to think of it as factual fiction. Have you read any great examples ...

A MARITAL TUNE-UP I am delighted to share today's blogpost with you from a reader who shares her findings on ways to 'create sparks that last' in her marriage. https://unsplash.com/@claudialam Although Stuart and I share a lot in common, we have come to learn from each other as well. From Stuart, his thoughtful and considerate ways. From me, my humor, laughter, and how to lighten up. April 15 th , 2022 marked our 39 th  wedding anniversary. Just. That. Fast. Both recently retired—not together; we read not to do it together—we became hyper-aware of a new phase in our lives and marriage. It was as though we were left holding a simmering love, one becoming all too familiar (Storge) instead of our once robust, romantic and physical love. Our minds and bodies were struggling with this shift: How to keep ‘us’ alive as we aged when it seemed we were on a fast track to becoming roommates. Stuart and I decided to seek counseling in order to make an immediate change in the direction ...

Dating Risks https://unsplash.com/@marqquin Let’s have a chat about taking risks in the dating world. Dating Risks  - as you click on the video, the first 15 seconds are awkward silence while I waited to go live 🤣 Can you think of a dating disaster that still makes you laugh today? [To be clear we’re not talking dangerous dating mishaps, I don’t have the qualification to help but am including  THIS LINK if you need professional help from anywhere in the world]. https://unsplash.com/@krakenimages In retrospect, with my "far too many wines of glass already," line, it could have been risky, but we were a party of six and I was with my best friend. I think that's where we draw the line at taking chances with people we don't yet know, it's always wise to go in a group with someone you know and to be in a well-lit public space. Back to the funny things that can go wrong on a date.  On one particular date, my wedge cork shoe broke at the strap - I spent the date BAREFO...

Sparks That Last Forever https://unsplash.com/@whynottogoforit It seems improbable that a relationship can maintain it's passion through decades of wear and tear from life's ups and downs. But I'm here to tell you that it is possible. Not easy. But possible. It's not the same passion as newly falling in love, as we've discussed before, but I can testify that it is even better than that dizzy feeling of heading into a relationship with uncertainty for the future. Because by now, I'm in the future of my relationship.  Three and a half decades later of being with the same partner has brought some sobering perspectives to our outlook. The comfort of knowing each other relatively well; knowing that your are loved; knowing how to love in return - these are the joys of longevity in a relationship. Further reading suggestion It Just Keeps Getting Better It’s important to remember that nothing stays the same. Not even when you've been together seemingly forever.  We...

Turns Out You Don’t Need to Go Far At All Dating in the comfort of your own home is a thing! https://unsplash.com/@heftiba There are many reasons to stay home for a cozy date night in. Tired Lockdown Too cold Kids Couldn’t be bothered. That last one is a real doozy! If you can’t be bothered to make an effort, you need to ask yourself why. But that’s a post for another day. Date Night In The beauty is that it can be as glamorous or as casual as you want it to be. I've made some suggestions below, but of course, imagination is your only limit . https://unsplash.com/@joshstyle Dance night - thanks to my happily married cousin, this has become a hit in our household. I've curated a carefully selected range of songs for a quiet night in:  Date Night In Lounge floor picnic - rugs, cushions, classical music; who says picnics are for the outdoors only! DIY Day - revamp a dull corner of your home, and your relationship with a bit of titillating. As seen in the bright yellow image above ...

How to fix dating shortfalls Image credit Tyler Nix via Unsplash The 3 Dating Tendencies Quite honestly, I think all relationships have a combination of Logan's 3 dating tendencies. The trick is to juggle each of them in equal measure. The Romanticizer: The reality is that there are no perfect relationships. Period. We have to accept that there are ups and downs in every single relationship on earth. Once we can accept that fact, it is easier to move towards improving the quality of our interactions without striving for perfection. The Maximizer: Whether it's you or your partner who has unrealistic expectations of the other, it's important to state your boundaries. That is the secret sauce to maintaining integrity in your relationships. Respectful boundaries deserve respect. The Hesitater: If your self-doubt is based on either of the above tendencies, you need to look at your 'why'. Once you appreciate your personality for its strengths you will have a deeper unders...

The Three Dating Tendencies https://unsplash.com/@heftiba Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project , and researcher of human behavior, habits and happiness, interviews Logan Ury, author of How Not To Die Alone: The surprising science that will help you find love.  Logan says, "While love may be a natural instinct, dating isn't." Read on to find out why and what you can do about it. Gretchen :  You've done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you – or your readers – most?   Logan :  The Three Dating Tendencies:  As a dating coach, I discovered that while all of my clients are unique, many of them suffer from dating blind spots—patterns of behavior that hold them back from finding love, but which they can't identify on their own. https://unsplash.com/@timmossholder Inspired by Gretchen (who was inspired by Freud!), I've categorized the most common blind spots into a framework called The Three Dating Tendencies. Each group struggles with u...

Attentiveness, Responsiveness, Engagement “T here’s no single definition that describes a  “healthy” relationship . So much of tethering your life to another person means making the rules up as you go along. Regardless, though, you do have  to establish a basic level of respect and empathy. And that’s where the A.R.E. formula for relationships—which values attentiveness, responsiveness, and engagement—comes in.” This is an excerpt from the Relationship Tips segment of Well+Good. This article is written by Kells McPhillips and you can click on the link below to read the full post. https://pin.it/6W72uCi