Creating Sparks That Last & All Things Relationships

I’m delighted to introduce our guest blogger kayymorgan today, directly from her own platform: Are you there, Erma? It’s me, Sylvia.”  In her article below, kayymorgan captures the essence of self-care in relationships perfectly. Enjoy. "ARE YOU THERE, ERMA? IT'S ME, SYLVIA." “I” BEFORE “U” kayymorgan Sylvia : Erma, how have you survived that mother of all relationships? You know. Marriage? Erma : Oh Sylvia, that's a biggie.  The question of all questions.  Too early for wine or an old-fashioned, so put a fresh pot on. As the cooler temperatures set in and the daylight hours grow shorter, Sylvia contemplates all the ways to bring possibilites for happiness to life. It seems a bit inconsistent though since autumn for many carries darker thoughts. Death and dormancy even for some. However, Sylvia, ever hopeful given the company she keeps and her best friend's soothsaying abilities (Erma predicts that everything works out as it should in the end), is thinking about w

Redefining Boundaries https://unsplash.com/@yirage Committing to a life-long marriage through difficult times takes a lot of courage. Each partner has to redefine for themselves the kind of life they want to lead within the walls of a partnership. Will you be willing to forgo some of your identity to take on the characteristics of a partner, who, just a few years ago was a complete stranger? How well do you know each other? In this life that you share, how deeply have you truly got to know each other? What you do on a daily basis in the humdrum of a nine to five lifestyle erodes the learnings and coping mechanisms adopted from your years of younger love. Invisible introspection can dim the light in your eyes if you let it. Old habits take over  if you forget to create  special moments together Learning to redefine the meaning of love means learning to redefine boundaries that no longer have any meaning. Boundaries that were significant at the beginning of your relationship as a couple

 A Good Relationship Is Something You Make Image credit @carolinamarinelli on Unsplash Setting goals as a couple helps unify your focus. It connects your purpose for your relationship and ensures that you are both invested in its longevity. Working towards the longevity of your relationship can take effort, but setting goals together is one of the easiest ways to do it. Because you're both invested in the same outcome of that particular goal, it gives your relationship direction and purpose. As quoted from Revive Your Midlife Marriage - Midlife Marriage Strategist on Instagram: A good marriage isn't something you find. It's something you make, and you have to keep on making it every single day. She goes on to ask: 'Are you accepting things that could really be different if you put a little time, energy, and intention into it?' Marriage can feel overwhelming and make you feel like you don't have the energy to work on it, so we ignore what's happening and try

FIND YOUR UNIQUE SPARK Choose ways to ignite your relationship that make both of you happy Image credit @casey-horner via Unsplash ♥ Notice how I said ‘unique’?   There is no one size fits all to a relationship so don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s.  Each one is a unique fit. I largely chose our dates myself for Date Year but I made sure to integrate James’ preferences as well. This is how our experiences became unique to us. I use words like ‘both’, ‘our’ and ‘us’ because marriage is exclusively about the two of you. Three’s a crowd, no doubt about it. We’re not talking about socializing, we’re talking about connecting. Your marriage needs to grow the two of you together so choose your date experiences wisely. ♥ Be consistent. Don’t let the inconvenience of everyday life get in the way of making a commitment to the happiness of your marriage.                           ♥ Regularity brings results. A once-off just won't cut it. ♥ Honest and open vulnerability is a nece

Goals to Make Your Relationship Zing! Image credit @unsplash by @jonathansborba When James and I completed our Date Year Experiment, we came away with solid ideas of what we wanted our relationship to look like. We set goals to ensure that we got the very best outcome. I'll outline some of them here, along with additional ideas from practicalintimacy.com https://pin.it/1N7Qi1l 🔥 Know your boundaries and limitations:          ❣   As well as knowing your own boundaries and letting your partner figure out theirs, you also   need to know your limitations: own your faults, your shortcomings and areas of   required improvement. Don't try to dictate your partners' limitations to them, this is about you taking ownership of your own stuff. 🔥 Validate your own feelings and emotions:         ❣   Maintaining the status quo to keep the peace is not an option. Name your feelings, name your emotions without having to defend them. They just are  because that is what you're experienci

 Best of Both Worlds https://unsplash.com/@courtniebt13 Our date on this occasion required compromise. Not usually a big problem in healthy relationships so it was little hardship to convince James to come with me to the Market. As we strolled around looking at this stall and that, he even showed interest in the items I was looking at. A door stopper for one, which the ever practical man in him couldn't help but state, "I can fit one for you." Well thank you dear, I thought, but I don't want a spoke sticking out of the skirting on the wall for the door to magnetize to, I would prefer a more aesthetically appealing one like this weighted anchor thanks. Instead, I concurred to have a look at other options. In the end, James was happy for us to go back to the stall to buy the anchor door stop. Well wouldn't you know it? Nope, it wasn't sold, it was still sitting there waiting for me, but the vendor's Point of Sale device couldn't connect to the wifi signa

 Let me introduce myself as well as my work I felt the need to shake things up in my marriage. My husband and I have been together for over 30 years; that's a Very Long Time to spend with the same person 24/7. Obviously, it can't stay deliriously happy all the time, those feelings wear down after a while, so it's important to find new ways of being. Well, that's what we did and I'm about to divulge our discoveries with you that I have written of each of our date events and what we learnt from each one. I anticipate that you will have lots of ideas of your own to share with us and look forward to reading them in the comments. Creating Sparks That Last - A Mid-Life Date Year Creating Sparks that Last - From Stone Age to Modern Age  Flint is one of the primary materials used to define the Stone Age. Access to flint was so important for survival that people would travel to obtain it. When struck against steel, flint will produce enough sparks to ignite. Flint is hampere

Heartfelt Feelings Before we began our Date Year Experiment, I had to find my heart, my feelings, the depth of my emotions. I wanted our relationship to be filled with love and affection again. I knew that it couldn’t be the same as before, simply because we weren’t the same people who had started this relationship together. It’s impossible to be the same. Life has happened, we have matured, maybe even grown skeptical. We still loved each other, just in a new way. So we had to find new ways to reconnect.

Enjoy Our Date Year Experiment With Us I would love to share the unexpected secrets of our date events with you. You will discover a whole side of your relationship that you never even knew existed. As did we. This will undoubtedly help you to uncover hidden treasures in your relationships too. From feeling resentful to feeling appreciated you will delight in these new-found feelings for each other.