Creating Sparks That Last & All Things Relationships

Or could you have both? Elora Canne Blogger I mentioned that I’d be discussing relationship books here on the blog, for the foreseeable future. I feel it gives a broader perspective of relationships than just me.  Today’s post isn’t technically a book discussion, although it is called the Book Club and it’s based very loosely on Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist , so it counts in my book ;) In the movie Book Club: The Next Chapter , four female friends find out just how far they will go for both love and friendship. I’m always interested in different views of midlife relationships and these four friends provide exactly that; later-in-life women at a crossroads in their love life. Incidentally, in our last blog post I said I’d let you know which term best suits midlife love and the winner was Later-in-Life Love. Our four female friends and their love conundrums are as follows: Vivian finds herself engaged to long-time lover Arthur, and her friends surprise her with their wedding all se...

The Year of The Couple 2023 Is going to be The Year of The Couple.  Well, in my world anyway. Every now and then I embark on an experiment that’ll inject some torque into the engine that drives our relationships. And this time, it’s a blueprint, or plan of action, which I’ve called Romance and Wrinkles. Romance and Wrinkles Sign Up Form Join in for once-a-month emails from me.  Each month I’ll introduce an experience to enhance your perception of your partner for the better. Each experience will be face-to-face so you can observe each other closely: facial expressions, eye contact, emotional response. Don’t worry if this sounds intense, they are all fun, lighthearted and above-board engaging opportunities. To the best of my ability, they will also be screen-free. 💟 If you’re on the fence and would like to no more, please comment below. And if you prefer, there is also an email link on the sign-up form for questions. Tap the link ➡️  Find the sign-up form here: My husban...

A MARITAL TUNE-UP I am delighted to share today's blogpost with you from a reader who shares her findings on ways to 'create sparks that last' in her marriage. https://unsplash.com/@claudialam Although Stuart and I share a lot in common, we have come to learn from each other as well. From Stuart, his thoughtful and considerate ways. From me, my humor, laughter, and how to lighten up. April 15 th , 2022 marked our 39 th  wedding anniversary. Just. That. Fast. Both recently retired—not together; we read not to do it together—we became hyper-aware of a new phase in our lives and marriage. It was as though we were left holding a simmering love, one becoming all too familiar (Storge) instead of our once robust, romantic and physical love. Our minds and bodies were struggling with this shift: How to keep ‘us’ alive as we aged when it seemed we were on a fast track to becoming roommates. Stuart and I decided to seek counseling in order to make an immediate change in the direction ...

Redefining Boundaries https://unsplash.com/@yirage Committing to a life-long marriage through difficult times takes a lot of courage. Each partner has to redefine for themselves the kind of life they want to lead within the walls of a partnership. Will you be willing to forgo some of your identity to take on the characteristics of a partner, who, just a few years ago was a complete stranger? How well do you know each other? In this life that you share, how deeply have you truly got to know each other? What you do on a daily basis in the humdrum of a nine to five lifestyle erodes the learnings and coping mechanisms adopted from your years of younger love. Invisible introspection can dim the light in your eyes if you let it. Old habits take over  if you forget to create  special moments together Learning to redefine the meaning of love means learning to redefine boundaries that no longer have any meaning. Boundaries that were significant at the beginning of your relationship as ...

Sparks That Last Forever https://unsplash.com/@whynottogoforit It seems improbable that a relationship can maintain it's passion through decades of wear and tear from life's ups and downs. But I'm here to tell you that it is possible. Not easy. But possible. It's not the same passion as newly falling in love, as we've discussed before, but I can testify that it is even better than that dizzy feeling of heading into a relationship with uncertainty for the future. Because by now, I'm in the future of my relationship.  Three and a half decades later of being with the same partner has brought some sobering perspectives to our outlook. The comfort of knowing each other relatively well; knowing that your are loved; knowing how to love in return - these are the joys of longevity in a relationship. Further reading suggestion It Just Keeps Getting Better It’s important to remember that nothing stays the same. Not even when you've been together seemingly forever.  We...

 Body Language Speaks Volumes https://unsplash.com/@lawlesscapture "The first important point to realize is that only a small part of what you are communicating at any moment is coming from the actual words you are saying. There are three ways that we are constantly sending out messages to those around us:  body language, tone of voice and actual words." - Decoding Love by Andrew Trees I've done extensive research in the art of communicating, particularly with people who are emotionally vulnerable. To continue our communication thread, we'll look at a variety of ways we can be more receptive to our partners' needs and convey our message with more awareness and perhaps subtlety. In the book Decoding Love, Andrew Trees goes on to say, "In most casual conversations, what we say is the least important of the three aspects of communication."  Consider a conversation you're having with someone while they're checking their mobile phone. This is a tra...

 A Good Relationship Is Something You Make Image credit @carolinamarinelli on Unsplash Setting goals as a couple helps unify your focus. It connects your purpose for your relationship and ensures that you are both invested in its longevity. Working towards the longevity of your relationship can take effort, but setting goals together is one of the easiest ways to do it. Because you're both invested in the same outcome of that particular goal, it gives your relationship direction and purpose. As quoted from Revive Your Midlife Marriage - Midlife Marriage Strategist on Instagram: A good marriage isn't something you find. It's something you make, and you have to keep on making it every single day. She goes on to ask: 'Are you accepting things that could really be different if you put a little time, energy, and intention into it?' Marriage can feel overwhelming and make you feel like you don't have the energy to work on it, so we ignore what's happening and try ...

FIND YOUR UNIQUE SPARK Choose ways to ignite your relationship that make both of you happy Image credit @casey-horner via Unsplash ♥ Notice how I said ‘unique’?   There is no one size fits all to a relationship so don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s.  Each one is a unique fit. I largely chose our dates myself for Date Year but I made sure to integrate James’ preferences as well. This is how our experiences became unique to us. I use words like ‘both’, ‘our’ and ‘us’ because marriage is exclusively about the two of you. Three’s a crowd, no doubt about it. We’re not talking about socializing, we’re talking about connecting. Your marriage needs to grow the two of you together so choose your date experiences wisely. ♥ Be consistent. Don’t let the inconvenience of everyday life get in the way of making a commitment to the happiness of your marriage.                     ...