Creating Sparks That Last & All Things Relationships

The How and The Why of Letting Go You've heard it before, but today, I'm giving you the HOW and the WHY of letting go. September brought about massive growth for me in both my business and personal capacity. This spilled over into the first week of October where growth became epiphany.  And that, I just had to share with you. I'll start with the easier business achievements to record and move on to the more complex areas of personal growth after. Every year I choose a word to embrace for the season of my  CURRENT journey I'm experiencing, in order to expand on that in the best way for me, in the coming months. This year my word was COMFORTABLE and it has served my expansion so very well. BUSINESS GROWTH As a recovering people-pleaser, I finally had to embrace the notion that I simply could not please everyone, in other words, I had to grow into the idea of being COMFORTABLE being disliked. To start this rollercoaster off, I enthusiastically sent many of my manuscripts ...

And Personal Reflection Instagram: @meganruthphotography_ downloaded via Unsplash Earlier this week, I witnessed the first turning of yellow leaves heralding the start of autumn. Wait!! I wailed, I'm not ready. This made me take stock: Why was I not ready? I've known all my life that summer segues into autumn. So why am I not ready? @primipil via Unsplash Personal reflection leads to change It's the same for our seasons in life. Personal reflection changes with each stage of life. Relationship boundaries shapeshift according to our status, commitment and amount of time together, i.e. child-raising years compared to empty-nester years, or career peaks versus slowing down your workload. That brings me to today's discussion. Personal reflection corresponds directly to our evolving boundaries. And if the people in our lives are not (or cannot be) in sync with our changing parameters, then we need to speak our mind so they can either level up or respect our growth. When we w...

I’m delighted to introduce our guest blogger kayymorgan today, directly from her own platform: Are you there, Erma? It’s me, Sylvia.”  In her article below, kayymorgan captures the essence of self-care in relationships perfectly. Enjoy. "ARE YOU THERE, ERMA? IT'S ME, SYLVIA." “I” BEFORE “U” kayymorgan Sylvia : Erma, how have you survived that mother of all relationships? You know. Marriage? Erma : Oh Sylvia, that's a biggie.  The question of all questions.  Too early for wine or an old-fashioned, so put a fresh pot on. As the cooler temperatures set in and the daylight hours grow shorter, Sylvia contemplates all the ways to bring possibilites for happiness to life. It seems a bit inconsistent though since autumn for many carries darker thoughts. Death and dormancy even for some. However, Sylvia, ever hopeful given the company she keeps and her best friend's soothsaying abilities (Erma predicts that everything works out as it should in the end), is thinking about w...

How Do You Portray Yourself to the World? Your body is your home. Have you ever wondered what compels you to return home at the end of each day? What draws you into that space? What magnetism attracts you to the energy there? Whilst I can’t answer on your behalf, here’s what I know from someone who has lived in 2 countries, semi-permanently lived in a third and travelled for a year without a place to call home yet feeling ‘at home’ in each accommodation. Self-awareness in your space: You are with yourself constantly. How do you perceive yourself? Does that align with how the world sees you? How you wish the world to see you? I’ve noticed that the things that bring me peace are the very things that define me. They denote that eternal question of ‘Who am I?’ Not in a career or relationship perspective, just me, in my own space and not what the world sees from the outside. So what are these things that bring me peace, and how do they relate to who I am and how I portray myself to the wor...

Because It's All About You https://unsplash.com/@adaliabotha Thank you for your patience while my book launch was happening. Now it’s time to celebrate YOU! I want to know what you've been up to. I've been so embroiled in the details of launching that I lost sight of the world around me. So much so that I took a little digi-detox time for reflection. Now I want to know a little more about you. You know enough about me and my life. What accomplishment are you most proud of?  What goal have you set out to achieve this month?  What characteristic do you LOVE about yourself? If you're not comfortable with that, then ask someone else to describe a characteristic they love about you; or reflect on your general characteristics in a journal or note-taking app. https://unsplash.com/@itsmiki5 If you need a little help settling on a characteristic you love about yourself, I've included this article to help you:  Characteristics list What I discovered on my mini digi-detox is t...

Nobody Perceives You the Way You Perceive Yourself Frida Kahlo Cover image from the book; Frida Kahlo's Garden I am the person I know best.   Quote from Frida Kahlo regarding her self portraits. I have been fascinated by Frida Kahlo's expression of self for many years. Her use of light and shadow in her creativity depicts, closely, her awareness of shadow and brightness in herself. Light and shadow that each of us have. The quote above is preceded by deeper reflection: I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best. For me, alone time has always been paramount to me thriving in a noisy, busy world. Alone but not lonely, which I think is what tormented Frida somewhat. That opinion is my own based on the fact that she divorced her husband, Diego Rivera and ended her longtime affair with photographer Nickolas Muray in the same year. Anyway, this is not a study on Frida Kahlo, merely a reflection of how well she knew herself and how that led...

Are You Your Own Stumbling Block to Happiness? Hello Blog Family! It's been a hot minute since you last heard from me.  Thank you for your patience while I made a huge move, relocating house, home, hearth and heart. As you can tell, this move was a big deal for me, moving far away from my family. This may seem counterintuitive to my happiness but the joy I have already found after just two weeks in my new home far outshines any shadow of sadness that might have been lingering.  https://unsplash.com/@taiscaptures 5 Things Making Me Happy This Week For that reason, I wanted to share with you the pleasures I have gained from setting up home in a far away place: Finding new interests that excite ME: First off, the emphasis is on 'me' because without my own pleasures in life, I have very little joy to impart to others, whether intentionally or by exuding my vibe. It's not necessarily big events or material possessions for me, it's the miniscule shift in awareness . When ...

If Not Ourselves, Then Who?  [ I invite you to take in the information below and apply it to your daily self-care routine as set out by our Guest Blogger Jessica Ruiz] Javier Allegue Barros via Unsplash If we don’t take good care of ourselves, who will? Self-care is very important.  We are sometimes so busy taking care of others that we forget to take care of ourselves.   There are different types of self-care:   Exercising is one and it helps you to relieve            stress.  Exercising can be fun.  Some people like            dancing.                I love to dance and I love music.               Dancing is a fun way to exercise. Don’t get me              wrong, I know that things happen, and it              is hard to exercise, but ...

Redefining Love and Marriage https://unsplash.com/@jennymarvin Committing to a life-long marriage through difficult times takes a lot of courage. I had to define for myself the kind of life I wanted. Was I willing to forgo some of my identity to take on the characteristics of a partner who, just 30 years ago, was a complete stranger to me? Had I really got to know him at all? In this life that we share, how deeply had we truly got to know each other? Not so deeply at all, I was to learn. In spite of the many epiphanies through our year-long travel escapade, what we did on a daily basis in the humdrum of a nine to five lifestyle eroded the  lessons learnt and the coping mechanisms we had adopted. Outwardly we have a wonderfully marvelous life, yet our invisible introspection, unseen by those around us, slowly dims the light in both of our eyes. Old habits took over as we forgot to create special moments together. Our lives became mechanical. Learning to redefine the meaning of l...

Sparks That Last Forever https://unsplash.com/@whynottogoforit It seems improbable that a relationship can maintain it's passion through decades of wear and tear from life's ups and downs. But I'm here to tell you that it is possible. Not easy. But possible. It's not the same passion as newly falling in love, as we've discussed before, but I can testify that it is even better than that dizzy feeling of heading into a relationship with uncertainty for the future. Because by now, I'm in the future of my relationship.  Three and a half decades later of being with the same partner has brought some sobering perspectives to our outlook. The comfort of knowing each other relatively well; knowing that your are loved; knowing how to love in return - these are the joys of longevity in a relationship. Further reading suggestion It Just Keeps Getting Better It’s important to remember that nothing stays the same. Not even when you've been together seemingly forever.  We...

Self Care Ideas https://unsplash.com/@taiamint [The last in our Self-Love mini-series] “You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”   Diane Von Furstenberg Last week our post was a little on the long side. I really didn’t want to leave anything out because I felt it was all so important for our wellbeing. This week though, we have a 1 minute self-care video to watch. Enjoy the soothing music and simple self-care suggestions. Show yourself a little love    If you’d like to read last week’s post in snatches, here’s the link: The Art of Restorative Self-Love https://unsplash.com/@avasol How do you know when you're starting to need a little extra self-care?  For example, I get very sweary and I don't normally speak like that, so I know that it's time to pay attention to my stressors and find healthy ways to eliminate them. Do you have a self-care routine or ritual?

How to Heal Your Own Heart and Still Be Kind to Others Welcome to the second instalment in our new mini-series Our Relationship with Ourselves                                                                     https://unsplash.com/@bartlarueeppler Spiritually, the four chambers of the heart represent: ♥  Compassion:  Kindness, c oncern, consi deration, c are      ♥   Love: F ondness, rev erence, r espect, v alue ♥   Understanding:   Thoughtful, a ltruistic, a ccepting, p atient ♥   Emotion:   Feeling, s entiment, p assion, s ensation https://unsplash.com/@snowidesignz                               ...