Creating Sparks That Last & All Things Relationships

 A Deeper Dive [I invite you to sit quietly, read and contemplate this resonant article by Guest Blogger Kate Jiggins] At this point in my life, I have two “jobs.” Job number one is a people helper. A listener. A psychotherapist. I have been sitting with people – witnessing their stories – for close to 20-years. Yikes! Sometimes it feels like I am just out of graduate school. Like a new puppy. Wide eyed. Enthusiastic. Image credit Canva My other “job”? I write. I tell stories about real life. Real people. Real struggles. Real triumph. Real inspiration. Stories that connect, support – hopefully inspire people to push themselves - explore what’s on the other side of that unhelpful conditioning. Limiting beliefs. Crappy stories. Those re-runs that keep us stuck.  Overtime, in my personal work, and my time with couples, I am beginning to see – more importantly understand - the power of story. Mine. Yours. Theirs. Others. It’s true, we all have unique stories. However, the big qu...

How to Change Conversation Blockers https://unsplash.com/@jonathanborba One thing is for sure: Marriage and relationships take a lot of work; a lot of honesty with ourselves and our partners. Michelle Obama speaks openly on her anniversary with Barack. [This will be the last of our 4-part mini series on effective communication in relationships.  Keep a look out for our new series next week!]  Honesty with ourselves: Let's begin there If our partner says things that make us feel uncomfortable, we have to first examine what it feels like inside of us in order to understand why we feel that way. For example, "Are you going to dinner dressed like that?" A seemingly innocent question right? WRONG. It's an accusatory question and it makes you feel defensive. Great! Now you can start to understand why it makes you feel that way. You might have any number of reasons - they'll be personal to you as we're all so very different. When you've discovered why you feel a ...

 Body Language Speaks Volumes https://unsplash.com/@lawlesscapture "The first important point to realize is that only a small part of what you are communicating at any moment is coming from the actual words you are saying. There are three ways that we are constantly sending out messages to those around us:  body language, tone of voice and actual words." - Decoding Love by Andrew Trees I've done extensive research in the art of communicating, particularly with people who are emotionally vulnerable. To continue our communication thread, we'll look at a variety of ways we can be more receptive to our partners' needs and convey our message with more awareness and perhaps subtlety. In the book Decoding Love, Andrew Trees goes on to say, "In most casual conversations, what we say is the least important of the three aspects of communication."  Consider a conversation you're having with someone while they're checking their mobile phone. This is a tra...

How to Handle Difficult Conversations I have been told so many times that I'm too sensitive. I've started responding with, "You say that like it's a bad thing." Honestly though, we are not too much of anything. There are sensitive people and there are not-so-sensitive people. We are simply that which makes us, us. https://unsplash.com/@css Thank you to everyone who has responded with suggestions for our new series on the blog. We'll start with communication, specifically with highly sensitive people through difficult conversations. New Blog Series Highly Sensitive People – How to handle difficult conversations Difficult conversations are part of all relationships. They are awkward, uncomfortable and confronting, but they need to be had. If one, or both, of you is highly sensitive, the conversation is that much more difficult to navigate. If one, or both, of you is hot-headed, the conversation falls to pieces too quickly. Mark Twain Quote: I can live for tw...

 Best of Both Worlds https://unsplash.com/@courtniebt13 Our date on this occasion required compromise. Not usually a big problem in healthy relationships so it was little hardship to convince James to come with me to the Market. As we strolled around looking at this stall and that, he even showed interest in the items I was looking at. A door stopper for one, which the ever practical man in him couldn't help but state, "I can fit one for you." Well thank you dear, I thought, but I don't want a spoke sticking out of the skirting on the wall for the door to magnetize to, I would prefer a more aesthetically appealing one like this weighted anchor thanks. Instead, I concurred to have a look at other options. In the end, James was happy for us to go back to the stall to buy the anchor door stop. Well wouldn't you know it? Nope, it wasn't sold, it was still sitting there waiting for me, but the vendor's Point of Sale device couldn't connect to the wifi signa...

Communication? Sometimes Non-Communication? On this particular date, James and I were grumpy with each other. We were away on holiday together in Bath, UK and started our day by parting ways for individual sightseeing. Neither of us felt like talking to the other and that is a huge sign of respecting each others' boundaries. If feelings are too heated, it often pays to walk away temporarily, before hurtful things are said and tempers flare beyond control. By the time we met up again, later in the day, our feelings had diluted with retrospection and deep thought - so vital in understanding ourselves and others in an attempt to be respectful and not lose our temper. The following is an excerpt from my travel journal: Our melancholy overflowed into our tiny dorm room at the YMCA. We very seriously considered cancelling the rest of our trip, and we were only 3 months in! After a thoroughly heated discussion about the pros and cons of packing up and going home, we acknowledged that thi...