Creating Sparks That Last & All Things Relationships

Redefining Love and Marriage https://unsplash.com/@jennymarvin Committing to a life-long marriage through difficult times takes a lot of courage. I had to define for myself the kind of life I wanted. Was I willing to forgo some of my identity to take on the characteristics of a partner who, just 30 years ago, was a complete stranger to me? Had I really got to know him at all? In this life that we share, how deeply had we truly got to know each other? Not so deeply at all, I was to learn. In spite of the many epiphanies through our year-long travel escapade, what we did on a daily basis in the humdrum of a nine to five lifestyle eroded the  lessons learnt and the coping mechanisms we had adopted. Outwardly we have a wonderfully marvelous life, yet our invisible introspection, unseen by those around us, slowly dims the light in both of our eyes. Old habits took over as we forgot to create special moments together. Our lives became mechanical. Learning to redefine the meaning of l...

Sparks That Last Forever https://unsplash.com/@whynottogoforit It seems improbable that a relationship can maintain it's passion through decades of wear and tear from life's ups and downs. But I'm here to tell you that it is possible. Not easy. But possible. It's not the same passion as newly falling in love, as we've discussed before, but I can testify that it is even better than that dizzy feeling of heading into a relationship with uncertainty for the future. Because by now, I'm in the future of my relationship.  Three and a half decades later of being with the same partner has brought some sobering perspectives to our outlook. The comfort of knowing each other relatively well; knowing that your are loved; knowing how to love in return - these are the joys of longevity in a relationship. Further reading suggestion It Just Keeps Getting Better It’s important to remember that nothing stays the same. Not even when you've been together seemingly forever.  We...

Goals to Make Your Relationship Zing! Image credit @unsplash by @jonathansborba When James and I completed our Date Year Experiment, we came away with solid ideas of what we wanted our relationship to look like. We set goals to ensure that we got the very best outcome. I'll outline some of them here, along with additional ideas from practicalintimacy.com https://pin.it/1N7Qi1l 🔥 Know your boundaries and limitations:          ❣   As well as knowing your own boundaries and letting your partner figure out theirs, you also   need to know your limitations: own your faults, your shortcomings and areas of   required improvement. Don't try to dictate your partners' limitations to them, this is about you taking ownership of your own stuff. 🔥 Validate your own feelings and emotions:         ❣   Maintaining the status quo to keep the peace is not an option. Name your feelings, name your emotions without having t...

Love is a commitment, not a feeling Quoted from Gretchen Rubin: My husband has to put up with me putting dirty dishes in the sink, not the dishwasher, and I have to put up with him buying more without seeing what we already have. Ask me how much soy sauce we have! And my daughter puts empty containers back in the fridge or cupboard. But love conquers all. What are your kitchen squabbles?   Below is a fabulous article from Grace Dent at The Guardian that epitomizes the nature of love and our commitment to those we love. https://www.betterapp.us/posts/12671688

The Three Dating Tendencies https://unsplash.com/@heftiba Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project , and researcher of human behavior, habits and happiness, interviews Logan Ury, author of How Not To Die Alone: The surprising science that will help you find love.  Logan says, "While love may be a natural instinct, dating isn't." Read on to find out why and what you can do about it. Gretchen :  You've done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you – or your readers – most?   Logan :  The Three Dating Tendencies:  As a dating coach, I discovered that while all of my clients are unique, many of them suffer from dating blind spots—patterns of behavior that hold them back from finding love, but which they can't identify on their own. https://unsplash.com/@timmossholder Inspired by Gretchen (who was inspired by Freud!), I've categorized the most common blind spots into a framework called The Three Dating Tendencies. Each group struggles with u...

 Let me introduce myself as well as my work I felt the need to shake things up in my marriage. My husband and I have been together for over 30 years; that's a Very Long Time to spend with the same person 24/7. Obviously, it can't stay deliriously happy all the time, those feelings wear down after a while, so it's important to find new ways of being. Well, that's what we did and I'm about to divulge our discoveries with you that I have written of each of our date events and what we learnt from each one. I anticipate that you will have lots of ideas of your own to share with us and look forward to reading them in the comments. Creating Sparks That Last - A Mid-Life Date Year Creating Sparks that Last - From Stone Age to Modern Age  Flint is one of the primary materials used to define the Stone Age. Access to flint was so important for survival that people would travel to obtain it. When struck against steel, flint will produce enough sparks to ignite. Flint is hampere...

Heartfelt Feelings Before we began our Date Year Experiment, I had to find my heart, my feelings, the depth of my emotions. I wanted our relationship to be filled with love and affection again. I knew that it couldn’t be the same as before, simply because we weren’t the same people who had started this relationship together. It’s impossible to be the same. Life has happened, we have matured, maybe even grown skeptical. We still loved each other, just in a new way. So we had to find new ways to reconnect.

Enjoy Our Date Year Experiment With Us I would love to share the unexpected secrets of our date events with you. You will discover a whole side of your relationship that you never even knew existed. As did we. This will undoubtedly help you to uncover hidden treasures in your relationships too. From feeling resentful to feeling appreciated you will delight in these new-found feelings for each other.