A Walk in the Park

Not Jurassic Park

 

Only into month 4 of our Date Year and I am already learning so much more about James than I ever imagined possible. Just because we are in close proximity to each other does not mean we know everything about the other – or ourselves for that matter. What you see and know about yourself from the inside is not what your partner sees from the outside.

What I do know about James is that the ocean is his calm space. It feeds his soul. The forest is mine. That’s a fundamental difference you might think and it is. But somehow we have made it work for us. I like the ocean and James likes the forest but neither presses our Super Chill button. 

From where we currently live, we have to drive an hour either way whether to sea or tree. However, I researched trail walks nearby and came across a State Forest not too far from our home at all.

In my now-familiar rush to fulfil an expectation of enjoyment for James, I hurried us into what I was certain was the parking space for the trail that we wanted to tramp. It was not. It was the middle of the trail we wished to trek which meant we had to double-back our walk so as not to miss out on any part of it. That was quite okay because it wasn’t a strenuous trail to begin with.

More importantly, I had noticed this trend of mine to harry myself into making our date events as pleasing as humanly possible for James. I was mildly stressing about each occasion that was supposed to epitomize the very opposite of stress. I needed to realize that I could trust James to accept our outings as they were and that I wasn’t being judged for my decisions. In fact, James was thoroughly immersed in the enjoyment of these newfound experiences transforming our humdrum existence into something of interest. He was embracing our dates completely. Given the track record of our previous 3 date events, none of which had been perfect, but all of which had been thoroughly enjoyable, I was beginning to learn that enjoyment need not come from conventional means, we could enjoy the experiences for the unique outcomes each one resulted in. Enjoyment by default as such.

James was the one teaching me to relax in the moment. I found this submerged trait of his reassuringly comforting as it was aired for size. He loved the trees so much that he even befriended a favourite: Pittosporum Undulatem – ironically also named Cheesewood – James loves everything cheese. Brussels Sprouts? No problem, cover them in cheese. Artichokes? Easy, cover them in cheese. Cabbage? Sorted, cover it in cheese. So when his favourite tree was also known as Cheesewood, it proved to me that trees really are wise beyond our understanding.