Mindful Listening with Wrapt Attention

Connect Through Kindliness

[kindly concern, interest, or support]


@johnschnobrich Unsplash


Intimacy is not only physical connection, it is also mindful connection.

People start to heal when they feel heard.

Mindful Listening:

"Focus on your partner and really listen in to what they're telling you." Making Couples Happy - John Aiken

❤ Listen, but don't fix              - just empathise.
❤ Listen, but don't interrupt     - just connect.
❤ Listen, but don't judge          - just understand.

This kind of listening helps people connect through empathy, or as I prefer to call it, kindliness. To me kindliness is more tangible. Empathy can seem a bit vague to those who don't have it, whereas kindliness gives a better indication of what is expected; concern, interest, support.

When you listen without interrupting, you become present. Using facial expressions and gentle gestures strengthens your presence. When you listen without jumping to conclusions or trying to fix their problems or offering advice, you stay with your partner's emotions and validate them.

Sitting face to face, making eye contact shows that you are curious, engaged and attentive.

Just focus on your partner's facial expressions

aj-alao Unsplash

                                                                              
If you're part of a couple that tends not to listen well to each other, take the time to start paying attention.

Simply listen.

Be curious and engaged without saying anything. Over time you will naturally start to listen this way.

Talking, supporting, connecting and dreaming together actually speeds up physical healing according to research from John Aiken's book, Making Couples Happy.

So I'll leave you with a thoughtful excerpt to think about when next there is a disagreement brewing:

"According to Sue Johnson, the pioneer of emotionally focused couples therapy, we now understand that we are neurologically hardwired by millions of years of evolution to find a mate, to love and to cherish, and to be loved and cherished - to be attached, and to connect. Our mate becomes our safe haven."

QOTD - Are you your mates safe haven?

@neobrand Unsplash

Did I miss anything? Share below :)




Location: Sydney NSW, Australia
Elora is a relationship writer with tips that empower you to build greater relationship success.

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