Can Your Relationship Survive Lockdown?
That Depends on YOU Dear Reader
And by you, I mean how you are treating yourself
The Art of Restorative Self-Love
As a recovering Meltdown Survivor, this
is what I’ve learnt.
No-one can love another, male or female,
until you love yourself entirely. Not with the vanity of feeling better than
anyone else and not by exerting power over another. Self-love involves being
gentle with yourself in all interactions, even when you are gently letting go
of a person who no longer embraces your desire to live calmly.
No human being has the capacity to love
other beings wholly until self-love is mastered.
You cannot express yourself fully to
empathise with others if you aren’t aware of your own understandings of your
inner workings.
Love yourself well. Not in the adjective
sense, but in the verb sense. In other words, love yourself into health –
physically and emotionally. Never to the detriment of another, never selfishly;
but with consideration for your surroundings and those within it.
Let’s start with the very first minutes
of your day:
*you may have an alarm bleating at you
*you may have youngsters, pets or an
amorous partner already crowding your space
*perhaps you have woken hours before you
needed to and are forced to relinquish any hopes of falling back to sleep
All of these situations are salvageable.
Every single one of them.
Even those unique to you which I have
not mentioned. But take a moment. Just 30 seconds, to show yourself some love,
before anyone else: don’t worry, this is not a deep breathing, meditation
program, although there is a place for that if you’re into it. Instead, this is
a step-by-step practical guide to 30 seconds of conscious acknowledgement of you, yourself.
♥ don’t pick up any electronic devices
♥ DON’T
♥ if you have already, put them down,
right now, in this very moment
♥ on your bedside table or floor, not on
your lap or stomach or chest
Let’s begin:
♥ rub your thumbnails with your index
finger. Notice any ridges on your nails; the length of your nails; feel the
cuticle where nail meets nail bed. What shape does it form? Are they rough,
smooth, sticking up at the edges? Feel the pleasant tickling sensation on your
nails and the skin of your index fingers. How soothing does that feel?
There! You’ve just given yourself 30
seconds of total mindful love. Staying in the moment, focusing ALL your
attention on yourself.
If you have a small horde clambering
over you, you can still show yourself some tender loving:
♥ massage inside the top of your mouth
with your tongue. Never mind the morning breath you might be reeling from, this
will actually help the health of your mouth and your mind. Run the tip of your
tongue along the centre of your palate, feeling the line dividing the two
halves; left and right. Trace the edges of your teeth with your tongue as they
surround your mouth. Back to your palate; notice the contrast between soft skin
and hard enamel of your teeth.
Congratulations! Once again you’ve
afforded yourself a quick 30 second respite before the busy day carries you
away.
If for whatever reason your day has
already carried you away, fear not, there are many inconspicuous areas of your
body where you can self-settle (and by inconspicuous, I don’t mean you can get
frisky, alright!). Your wrists are another comforting spot to massage, as is
the space behind your ears. I find a gentle massage up behind my ears particularly
calming. I mention inconspicuous because if you really truly can’t spare 30
seconds before you set foot out of bed, then on the loo, in the shower, on your
commute or at your workplace, are highly beneficial as well.
♥ lean your elbows on your desk, table
or just rest your jaw line in your hands as you caress the soothing space
behind your ears, no-one will notice, but you will benefit enormously. Taking
just 30 seconds to reset your thoughts and bring your attention to your own
comfort, will set you on the path to a more vibrant outlook for the moment you
are encountering
♥ likewise, with your wrists; rub them
softly no matter what public space you are in, this is perfectly socially
acceptable behaviour. The feel of smooth skin under your fingertips works
wonders in reminding you of the life force within you to cope with any
situation.
∞
Once your day has begun, your self-love doesn’t stop:
If you’re a coffee in the morning kind
of person, as am I, by all means go ahead and have your cuppa. Now I am no
nutritionist so if you’re banned or simply don’t drink coffee, please don’t
start now.
Mmm. Finished? Good.
♥ Now chase it down with a tall glass of
water
Remember how I said ‘love yourself
well’? Water is your well of health.
If you’re a fitness kind of person, hats
off to you and off you go to do your thing. If you’re not, don’t worry I am not
here to convert you. Although my claim to fame is one 90km grueling ultra
marathon, I am actually not a fitness fanatic. I do, however, like to keep limber.
Don’t Care?
Excellent!
♥ give your shoulders 5 shrugs of
disdain
Still don’t care?
Fantastic!
♥ wiggle your hands and wrists in
childlike retribution
Starting to smile?
Brilliant!
♥ keeping both feet firmly on the
ground, lift the heel of one foot at a time, alternating 5 times each
As before, I am not a personal trainer
so this is by no means a fitness program. All you’re aiming to do here is give
your circulation a little whirl to get the blood flow going, whilst taking your
mind off the gargantuan tasks of the day ahead of you. Every 30 seconds of
self-love you dedicate to yourself is another 30 seconds towards a brighter
minute, hour, day, year, life!
∞
Your morning routine should be well
underway by now, so at this point you need to be reminding yourself to focus.
To be aware of your output. Is it meaningful? Is it self-deprecating? Or worse,
narcissistic?
Let’s take stock:
♥ what did you achieve in your first hour of work or your day? Yes home bodies,
I’m talking to you too.
Congratulate yourself on even the smallest achievement, if you can’t think of anything bigger.
Sent an email? ✅
Answered a call? ✅
Completed your presentation/load of washing/cup of coffee? ✅
If those tasks are still waiting for completion,
all is not lost. You simply require 30 seconds of deep self-love in whichever
way you choose.
Let’s have a second look:
♥ what obstacles have you overcome by mid-morning?
Cranky boss/customer/child? Kudo’s to
you!
Deadlines/deliveries/rush hour? You made
it!
And if you didn’t, the Earth did not
collapse into itself, did it now? The hour is now, you can still overcome these
obstacles. Just take 30 seconds to placate yourself with a handy massage and
regroup.
∞
By now you could be reaching for morning
tea or lunch. Does that include a cigarette? STOP. Are you taking steps towards
loving yourself well?
♥ reach for a soothing glass of water
instead of that rasping death-stick
♥ eat a healthy meal – include something
green – no, not skittles or choc-mint slab!
♥ chase it down with a life-giving glass
of water. If you already drink 2L of water daily – you are a Superstar.
For now, back to the busy-ness of your
day. Sometimes giving back can be a form of self-love too. When we make someone
feel good about themselves, it feels like a pat on the back for us too.
♥ who have you mentored by early afternoon? Maybe yourself, your children or
someone vulnerable needing guidance?
♥ have you assisted anyone, or yourself, to accomplish a difficult talk? If
it’s yourself you’re trying to assist – never be afraid of asking for help.
Ever! You hear me? We learn by asking questions, so go on, show yourself some
kindness and ask that big ass scary question.
∞
Your afternoon might be winding down or
perhaps you’ve got back to back meetings. Maybe you’re hustling a sales pitch.
Whatever it is that you’re in the midst of...
WAIT
Have you checked in with yourself? If you’re in a public space, simply take a few uplifting breaths – don’t worry, not a meditative moment – bring your awareness back to your surroundings. Listen to the noises around you. Birds? Cars? Air-conditioner? Chatter? Tinnitus? Yup that’s what I hear when the silence engulfs my senses. Sensory overload can trigger a small dose of anxiety. Let’s use our senses to engage our clarity and drown out the anxiety.
♥ if you’re feeling frazzled, flick your
fingers on one hand, or both hands if you can. Place your thumb over each
fingernail one by one, flick away from your thumb one finger at a time. Spring
each finger away from your thumb. Notice your skin. Is it dry? Sweaty? Are your
fingertips freezing?
♥ repeat as many times as needed until you feel restful. Count each time you flick a finger forwards:
1, 2, 3, 4
Relax.
Calm.
Begin anew.
∞
What active movements have you had in
the past short while? I’m not talking bowel movements here, tmi. If not, can
you stand up where you are? If not, seated is fine too.
♥ hands on hips gently sway your
shoulders back and forth. Feel the movement of your hips under your hands.
Notice the gentle rise and fall of each hip as you sway. Bring your attention
to your body.
♥ keeping both feet planted on the
ground, lift your toes alternating each foot, in sync with your shoulder
swaying.
If that’s too much, just
do each movement separately.
Another self-love offering under your
belt.
♥ smile – smiling has been proven to
improve one’s positive outlook.
If you have nothing to smile about, if
your day is simply too stressful to manufacture a laugh, or perhaps you’re
going through a trying time, try to recall a pleasant memory. A picnic, movie,
song. Even a moment of laughing at yourself doing something silly will improve
your positivity – if your colleagues or fellow passengers see you smiling,
that’s good too because it’s very contagious. Even momentary lightness can
create a shift in your mood or frame of mind. If you have the opportunity to
cheer someone else up with a Dad or Nan joke, you’re doubling the reward for
yourself and for them. Shared laughter is a sure-fire elixir to self-care.
So go on, conjure up a smile – it’s good
for you and it's calorie free!
As your day starts to wind down, let’s reflect on strategies you can implement to ease into the rest of the week more pleasurably.
♥ do you have a system to help you with
your routine? Work in/work out station? Port allocations for mail, loose
change, keys? Chores or delegated tasks others can share to create smoother
transitions for all involved?
♥ plan for the following day before you
wrap-up this day. Giving yourself clarity is a self-care tactic that takes away
uncertainty. Lock in meetings or appointments to create fluid momentum and
greater success.
♥ once you’re back home or settled in
for the evening, remember to plate up a nutritious meal. Nutrients not only
feed our physical body, but our mind as well. Healthy food equals healthy
attitude.
♥ chase it down with a tall glass of
purifying water
♥ as you prepare for sleep, switch off electronic devices, read a book – a real one whose pages you can actually feel in your hands, magazine or try journaling if you’re so inclined.
♥ if your sleeping partner will indulge
you – no no don’t get excited – move your feet from side to side simultaneously
like windscreen wipers, then toes together then heels together. Feel the sheets
under you heels. Are they cold? Soft? Noisy? What does the material on your
toes feel like? Smooth? Silky?
That’s another 30 seconds of mindful
indulgence under wraps.
♥ curl up or stretch out into your
favourite sleeping position. Feel your head heavy on your pillow.
♥It
is well with your soul♥
Did you try any of these strategies? Which ones worked best for you?
How do you practice self-care?
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