Healing Through Life's Jagged Edges

Finding Acceptance and Purpose 

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I invite you to read our inspiring article on the formative relationship between parent and child by Guest Blogger: Maria C. Palmer

I was a recent college graduate, who like many twenty-somethings had no clue what path my life would take. I was floundering. My feet were planted in two worlds   I was creating a new life in the land of dreams in Los Angeles, CA, all while keeping secret my life back home in Pittsburgh, P.A., where my father was unexpectedly incarcerated.

I found acceptance and purpose in a charity started by a drinking, smoking, swearing, gambling Catholic nun, who was much too fashionable to be caught dead in a habit. Get On The Bus brought children to visit their mothers and fathers in California state prisons. As Sister Suzanne passionately reminded anybody who would listen, “This program has nothing to do with the parents, and it is all about the children. Children are the silent victims of crime. They didn’t do anything wrong, but suddenly their essential bond with their parent was broken, and due to other circumstances surrounding the prison complex, they may never know when they will see that parent again. This is why Get On The Bus exists. Children have a right to see, touch and talk to their incarcerated parent.” Sister Suzanne recognized my connection and passion and tapped me to run Get On The Bus as Program Director.

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In charge of the entire program, I worked with the children and their caregivers, an army of volunteers, and the prisons themselves to bring thousands of children to visit their incarcerated parents. Through the child-parent relationships forged during these visits, I saw first-hand how the children in this program gained confidence, became more emotionally stable, and stayed out of trouble. Children who kept a relationship with their incarcerated parents were much more likely to stay on the right side of the law and stay out of prison than those who did not have this bond. There was even a change in the incarcerated parents, and the jails in general. Leading up to the visits, and for a period afterwards, wardens noticed better behavior and a friendlier atmosphere among all inmates, both those part of the program and those not. I was truly changing the world for the better.

The statistics were impressive, but I was able to see the program’s impact on a more personal level. There are dozens of these stories showing the impact of Get On The Bus. Some of these stories are heartwarming, some are heartbreaking. All of them show the effects of incarceration on children. And as these families shared their stories and their lives with me, I myself changed. Just like the children I thought I was helping, I became more confident, more understanding, and more accepting of myself and my family. I thought I was helping these children and families during the most difficult time in their lives, but as it turns out, they were the ones helping me.

Maria Costanzo Palmer is a well-known force in the nonprofit world. She has worked on both coasts for organizations that give voice and equity to the marginalized members of society. 

She and her former high school teacher, Ruthie Robbins, co-wrote the 2021 Page Turner Finalist unpublished manuscript On the Rocks (currently on submission), a narrative nonfiction story. 

On the Rocks chronicles the journey of her father restaurateur personality, Joseph Costanzo, Jr., in his rise to success in the 1990's as owner of the highly acclaimed Primadonna Restaurant, radio host, columnist, and aspiring politician through his sharp fall, ending in an investigation and a stint in federal prison in the early 2000's.

For more information and stories from Maria C. Palmer, please visit her at mariacpalmer.com
She can also be found on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook