Creating Sparks That Last & All Things Relationships

Let’s rethink the 2023 buzz… What if there’s no reason to change anything; No reason to want things to be different. What if there’s no reason to work towards a goal; No reason for New Year’s resolutions. Sound good? My fur-niece, Topaz Binky, agrees! What if you like— no, LOVE the way you are, exactly as you are. There is no reason to buy into the hype. ICYMI - There. Is. No reason to buy into the hype! You get to shine as brightly as you are. Of course, I’m not advocating stagnation because  growth is the new humankind.   But you get to grow at your own pace. Not when the New Year tells you to. So ditch the phony New Year’s resolutions, ditch the societal expectations and pressured-into goals. Find your own tendrils of new growth, unfurl deliciously slowly, leisurely, savoring the softness of life’s gentle awakening - all will come good, in your own time; in your own way. Let’s cheer together: I AM ME IN 2023! Not a new me, not a better me— ME exactly as I am. If this stirre...

I’m delighted to introduce our guest blogger kayymorgan today, directly from her own platform: Are you there, Erma? It’s me, Sylvia.”  In her article below, kayymorgan captures the essence of self-care in relationships perfectly. Enjoy. "ARE YOU THERE, ERMA? IT'S ME, SYLVIA." “I” BEFORE “U” kayymorgan Sylvia : Erma, how have you survived that mother of all relationships? You know. Marriage? Erma : Oh Sylvia, that's a biggie.  The question of all questions.  Too early for wine or an old-fashioned, so put a fresh pot on. As the cooler temperatures set in and the daylight hours grow shorter, Sylvia contemplates all the ways to bring possibilites for happiness to life. It seems a bit inconsistent though since autumn for many carries darker thoughts. Death and dormancy even for some. However, Sylvia, ever hopeful given the company she keeps and her best friend's soothsaying abilities (Erma predicts that everything works out as it should in the end), is thinking about w...

Tiny Pivots is All it Takes Whether you’re stuck in a dead-end career, relationship or life, YOU CAN CHANGE IT. One tiny pivot at a time. You don’t have to change job/relationship/life if you can’t or don’t want to but if you’re unhappy, you can easily change the dynamics one tiny pivot at a time. • Have the awkward conversation with that difficult colleague or boss (Just don’t do it while you’re feeling emotional if there is anger involved). • Set boundaries for yourself in your relationship, friendship, family - the world will adjust. • Work towards a personal goal every single day in some small way; a sip of water instead of treats; 10 minutes of movement instead of being a coach potato; read/study/practice instead of scrolling social media. You get the idea. Because one tiny pivot each day creates a life worth living.

Date Night Arguments and How to Prevent Them It’s Date Night. Finally! The stars have aligned with your schedules, the sitter, the kids’ activities.  You can finally spend some quality time with your spouse away from the house. https://unsplash.com/@claybanks It’s been ages since you spent any "alone time" together.  You've missed your partner.  In fact, you have longed for uninterrupted time when you can connect and feel close.  Time when there is time and space to feel like you did at the beginning of the relationship. Time together is what inspired the other parts of your joint life.  You know that you need relaxed and enjoyable time together or you will lose the spark.  You already feel too much like ships passing in the night.  You need to break free from feeling like roommates. You’ve been imagining the date all week.  You’ve pictured having fun, connecting, and being affectionate.  You are looking forward to being able to relax and foc...

And Speak Yourself Up https://unsplash.com/@fuuj September is a big month in the year for most of us. And for many different reasons. Some of us are heading into Spring, others into Autumn. Some of our children are starting their school year and still others are planning their end-of-school-year strategies. So, a BIG month all round. And here’s the most productive way I have found to cope with it all: Speak yourself up To be clear, I’m not talking look in the mirror tell yourself how drop dead gorgeous you are (because you are anyway), no, I’m talking about that voice in your head that talks yourself down!  You know the one: Ugh this is the pits; I can’t do this; WTF - ENOUGH! Time to flip the script: I CAN DO HARD THINGS; ONE MINUTE AT A TIME - LIKE LITERALLY - JUST ONE MINUTE AT A TIME; I’VE GOT THIS; MY LIFE ROCKS! Doesn’t that feel so empowering!? Okay, now it’s time to just show up, for yourself. Now is the time you get to look in the mirror and pep talk yourself with your bes...

  What Is Love? 'Writer seeks 'wife' for a year on a tropical island.' The other day I asked for you, the reader, to define love in one word. I got some thoughtful answers which I'll list below. But before I do that, I want you to ask yourself what love means to you, firstly as an individual and secondly in a partnership. Years ago, when my marriage was still young, I read an autobiography by Lucy Irvine called Castaway (NOT the Tom Hanks movie). This was an intentional project to live on Tuin Island, an uninhabited island off the northernmost coast of Australia, for a year. It began with a male writer advertising for a female to live with him and test their mettle of survival on Tuin Island.   The catch, by Australian Officials standards, was that they had to be married in order to stay on the island. This did not please Lucy as G (as she calls him) expected more than just survival tactics from her. This caused deep introspection on both their parts, making for a d...

Your Personal Growth Does Not Threaten Your Relationship  You've changed.  You are not the same person who your husband or wife married years ago. They are not the same person, either.  You committed to your partner without knowing who they would become. Especially if you were young.  It's part of the marriage package.  People change over the years. You are not the same person at 40 that you were at 20. Thankfully. Because that 20-year-old hadn't experienced enough life to know what was what. At 20, our brains haven't even fully developed.  You committed to your partner knowing that both of you would change. At least, you knew it in your head. If you think too hard about it, these agreements seem scary.  We calm these fears by telling ourselves a myth: Couples in Close and Connected Relationships Grow Together. Their Marriage Lasts Because They Feel In-Sync and are on the Same Page.  This simply isn't true.  You are busy. You have ...